Hurting

After the heartache of trying to get pregnant for years, we thought we had developed a tougher shell. Certainly, we are not as carefree and happy go lucky as we used to be. But the adoption process has brought with it a new form of pain.

Monday, we got an email.

"I saw your information online. I am pregnant, and already had chosen a couple to adopt, but they are now separating instead."

So started a week of excitement, and then pain.

We chatted via email a few times Monday, and felt hope. No sense of a scam, felt very natural talking to her.

Tuesday: "I'm due in October with a baby girl." Our world stopped for a moment, then felt like Christmas in July. Could we really be parents to a girl in a few short months? Is it possible to already be dazzled by a baby girl that doesn't exist yet?

We were still trying to be cautious, but try telling that to your heart.

Somehow, things changed. She didn't respond to emails later Tuesday, but then on Wednesday said she hadn't received anything from us, and thought we were not interested. We told her that we were so interested, resent the emails, and she said she'd respond back that night. No emails though... We checked every 10 minutes.

Thursday, we suggested talking via text, since we seemed to be having email issues.

"sure, I'll text you after 6 if you like." Yes, please!

No texts. We stared at the phone all night long. As the hours passed, our shoulders slumped a bit more.

Friday, I sent "her" an email. This would be our last email to her. If she responded to it, and actually answered questions or wrote more than one line, we would try to consider this just a miscommunication. But we could not keep getting our hopes up for someone who seemed to be purposefully stringing us along. Why? No idea.

Back to square one, with a little less enthusiasm this time.