Practice

Thank you to our fur-babies for giving us practice on being up all night with an infant!

In the past 12 hours,
1) Seamus and Skylar dug into the cat litterboxes like it was Old Country Buffet (GAG)


2) Skylar horked at 3am due to upset stomach from their buffet

3) Seamus had an accident at 4:30am due to medicine he's on.

4) Cats sat on each side of us and meowed at 5:30am because they were hungry.

Oh ma God!

Acting innocent

Luckily, this is not a normal occurrence.  We normally have very chill pets.  Last night, they were just ganging up on us!

Parenting class

This past Sunday, hubster and I went to Infant CPR and Taking Care of Baby classes.

Do most first-time parents normally take classes like this?

We're not sure, but with so many question marks in the air, it felt nice to do something constructive during this process.

We did feel a bit out of place.  I was sized up by all of the pregnant mom's to be as they entered the room.  (They were all 29 to 36 weeks, so I definitely stood out.)  They were either thinking, "Lucky B, how's she still so small this far along?" or "Are they in the wrong class?"  haha

But the instructor was awesome, and went out of her way to make us feel at ease.  While there was some information about going into labor, labor partners, etc, the classes really did focus on what to do once the baby is here.  And that is what we needed!

I had taken Infant CPR in November as part of a training class for work.  But Matt never has, and he's the calm one during emergencies.  I am the one running around like a mad woman, or frozen in place.  So I NEEDED him to take the class, for peace of mind.  Phew!  Check that off the list.

The parenting portion was good too.  Back in the day, I helped out with Maddie when she was a baby.  But she is now going on 12 years old.  And Matt has never babysat, never really been alone with an infant.  So it was worth it.  Bathing, sleeping, diapering, dressing, babyproofing, etc were all covered, and then some.

The best part, for us- the nurse leading the class said that the hospital system is very adoption friendly.  That was great to hear.  Obviously, we don't know what hospital our baby will be born in, nor what state.  But hearing how the system here in town allows adoptive parents there own room while the baby is in the hospital, and is open with the birth family and the adoptive family the whole time was great to hear!

No updates on the 'matching' front.  We have not spoken to any women this week yet.  But we did just mail out the packet for Parent Profiles, and I sent out another batch of OB/GYN letters yesterday.  Just got to keep getting the word out!

As always, keep us in mind! :)

On to the next!

Just needed to nurse our wounds a bit Friday and yesterday.

I wanted to clarify the last statement in yesterday's post about being less enthusiastic. That is just in regards to the process itself. Our desire to be parents someday is stronger than ever. Why else would we continue to subject ourselves to infertility treatments, invasive home studies, and the terrible wait we've dealt with for the past 5+ years?

Someday, this will all be worth it.

Meanwhile, our next steps are a mass mailer that I am sending out soon to all obstetricians in NC with a letter about us and our adoption "business cards.". We are also signing up for another website, www.parentprofiles.com. This site is one of the more well-known sites in the adoptive world, it just is tougher to join (legal paperwork needed) and there is a monthly cost to be listed.

We are trying to steel ourselves a bit more, as the wait could be months or years, and the risks continue even after matching with an expectant mother. But how do you get to know someone without letting your guard down?

We have Infant CPR training and parenting class from 9-12 today. Excited and also a little nervous, as all of the other couples signed up are pregnant with their own child. Praying that the course really focuses on parenting, and not on the pregnancy that everyone they are all enjoying.

Hurting

After the heartache of trying to get pregnant for years, we thought we had developed a tougher shell. Certainly, we are not as carefree and happy go lucky as we used to be. But the adoption process has brought with it a new form of pain.

Monday, we got an email.

"I saw your information online. I am pregnant, and already had chosen a couple to adopt, but they are now separating instead."

So started a week of excitement, and then pain.

We chatted via email a few times Monday, and felt hope. No sense of a scam, felt very natural talking to her.

Tuesday: "I'm due in October with a baby girl." Our world stopped for a moment, then felt like Christmas in July. Could we really be parents to a girl in a few short months? Is it possible to already be dazzled by a baby girl that doesn't exist yet?

We were still trying to be cautious, but try telling that to your heart.

Somehow, things changed. She didn't respond to emails later Tuesday, but then on Wednesday said she hadn't received anything from us, and thought we were not interested. We told her that we were so interested, resent the emails, and she said she'd respond back that night. No emails though... We checked every 10 minutes.

Thursday, we suggested talking via text, since we seemed to be having email issues.

"sure, I'll text you after 6 if you like." Yes, please!

No texts. We stared at the phone all night long. As the hours passed, our shoulders slumped a bit more.

Friday, I sent "her" an email. This would be our last email to her. If she responded to it, and actually answered questions or wrote more than one line, we would try to consider this just a miscommunication. But we could not keep getting our hopes up for someone who seemed to be purposefully stringing us along. Why? No idea.

Back to square one, with a little less enthusiasm this time.

Like dating

We've discovered that talking to an expectant mother is a lot like dating.  Nerves, interpreting everything to a T, and wondering when they will call or email again!

So far, it has been mostly emails that have the hint of scam, or at least a bit of a mess.  We have been emailed by people in the country of Cameroon, China, and someone who said she was from Norway, and her boyfriend was from Sweden.  Unfortunately, even if these situations are real, they are way out of our price range probably.

Now that we have been 'advertising' for a few weeks, the emails have been more realistic, and we actually started to email with someone yesterday that could be a good match.  And that leads me to stalk my email, just in case she writes back! :)

(Before I scare any expectant mothers off, please know that I will never use your identifying information in the blog.  While our relationship with you is obviously a huge part of the story, your privacy is even more important!)

Here's to hoping we have a great first date!

Adoption benefits in the workplace

Something that we did not know much about before beginning this adoption journey was that many companies through the US offer employees not just maternity leave for adoption, but also offer adoption benefits in the form of reimbursment of fees.  This is a growing trend because less than 1% of all employees will adopt each year, but it provides the company with another great benefit to keep up with the competition.

Companies such as Bank of America, Time Warner, the NBA, Hanes, Nike, Wendy's, and others offer their employees these benefits.  Just knowing that makes me appreciate those companies more (even Time Warner, whom I hate dealing with on a customer satisfaction basis!).

As of now, our companies do not offer such benefits. The reimbursement would be amazing (ah-mazing!) when considering all of the costs involved.  But the one I am more worried about is the maternity leave.  A huge part of the maternity leave is to have time to bond with your baby.  With adoption, this time is even more important.

So I have been working on a proposal to present to my human resources department, and ultimately on to finance and our president.  Who knew adoption would turn me into a policy maker? ;)  I was able to find great information thanks to the Dave Thomas Foundation's "Adoption Friendly Workplace" materials, which has made it a lot easier.  I'll keep you posted on what happens, what they approve (or do not approve).  Wish me/us luck!

PS- Have to recognize my awesome sister-in-law and nephew and niece for their help!  They have gone around our hometown on "Operation: Baby K" posting flyers and sharing information about our adoption plans.  So cute that our baby's cousins are such a part of this. We love you guys!

Makes me smile

We went baby shopping yesterday.  For 4 hours.  Ha! Poor Matt, what a trooper.

Can I say that it is overwhelming looking at 'everything' at a baby store?  So many options!  We are lucky to have a bunch of friends who have had babies this past year, to ask for recommendations.

Our plan is to take care of the necessities for the first 6-8 weeks of time now, so that we don't have to stress when we 'match' with an expectant mother.  We could match with someone 3 months along, or with someone who is 2 days away from their due date.  And then we can worry about the fun stuff after everything clears legally, and we can go to NY to show off our baby to friends and family up there.

Had to share this picture from yesterday though.  Matt really liked a certain stroller/travel system, but I wanted to read more reviews (go figure).  We went home, read reviews, had it recommended by friends too, and decided that was the one we'd buy.  I thought we'd buy it the next time we went out shopping, but Matt wanted it RIGHT THEN.  So he went back out to get the stroller at 6pm on a Sunday. 

He was so excited to put it together for the bebe.  What a guy :)

Parenting class

I just signed Matt and I up for a parenting class offered by the local hospital on 7/22.  Infant CPR and Taking Care of Baby.  So excited!  In a way, I feel like it is similar to the excitment someone would get about going back to school after working for a while.  When you are first in college, you don't get excited about classes.  But after being in the 'real world' for awhile, you get pumped to try another round of school.  If we had gotten pregnant and done the normal thing, I don't know if we'd even think to take a parenting class.  But because we have been waiting so long to be parents, this feels like a real step, and so we are excited!  (Maybe me more so than Matt!  haha)

Other weekend goals:  Hang flyers and/or business cards on area bulletin boards... possibly shop for the nursery (!!!!!!!!!!).... and hit up a pool, it is HOT out!

Matt's sister has graciously been offering tips on what we should buy first, what we'll need in those first few weeks, what brands are good, etc.  Anyone else have suggestions?  Leave a comment below or shoot us an email!

Spoke too soon

Spoke too soon.  Just got a generic email saying that our advertisement was rejected.  What?  Why?

After sitting on hold for 5 minutes, I spoke to someone in the online advertising department that said that they don't really do adoption advertising anymore, because it can get 'messy.'   Again... what?

Legally in North Carolina, we have the right to advertise as long as we have a completed and approved home study/ preplacement assessment.  You just have to state this clearly in the advertisement, along with the home study agency and the date the study was completed.  I did this.  I was going to be paying $35 extra just to add that info (

Phone calls and emails are unanswered so far.  I want them to tell me why people can advertise for all sorts of companionship (ew), but when we want to start our family, that is considered messy.

This is bothering me more than it should.  I think I am sick of everything having to be so much tougher for people who turn to adoption to start their family. 

First classified ad

Welp, we've placed our first classified ad!

Woo hoo!  The picture was $10 extra, but we think it is worth it to stand out over all of the word-only ads.  This ad will be in our nearby newspaper, the Charlotte Observer, for the next 7 days, as well as on their website.

Now on to the outlying newspapers.  And possibly a few back home in NY!