Second interview

So, it probably showed in the last post, but picking an agency has left me stressed. Very stressed.  I don't want to hold up the process at all, because I want to be a mom, like, yesterday.  But I also felt a ton of pressure to pick the perfect agency.  So I have been freaking.

That looks about right!

Matt is the best.  He is the one that brings me back down, calms me, reassures me.  We just were talking last night that I need to remember that this process is going to involve a lot of waiting, and patience is key.  But with our second interview with the social worker today, I had this expectation that we should have our agency picked by now.

Let me backtrack a moment to yesterday.  As I mentioned in my last post, we were hoping for a sign that we were on the right track, and we thought we'd found it.  Matt's coworker who'd adopted years ago had adopted from a specific agency here in NC, and I talked with another woman yesterday who suggested the same agency.  And when I played phone tag with the agency, they mentioned in a voicemail that they were looking for a couple in their 20s or early 30s, no kids yet, own a home, open to meeting the birth mother, etc.  That fit us to a T!

Yesterday afternoon, I finally was able to connect with the woman, and it sounds like the agency could still be a good fit, but several things are giving us pause.

1)  They have to do their own home study.  The $1500 we spent on our current home study would mean nothing.  Ouch.  (We are hearing this from most local agencies now.  But if we go with an out-of-state agency, they can use ours.)

2) They are starting a wait list now, and it may be at least 2-3 months before they open up for new families to join.  At that time, we could start the home study, which would be another 2-3 months or more.  Then we'd be able to have our information shared with potential birth mothers.

A potential 5-6 month wait or more, just to get to the point that we are already at now?  Ugh.  You can see why stress has been winning. 

But today, we met with our social worker again.  We told her our situation, and she was able to bring me back down too.  (Matt was sitting there like, "I just said that last night!"  But of course we don't totally listen when it is our spouses! ;)  )

We are going to push the in-home visit back a bit to mid- to late-May.  That way, we have time to collect some final paperwork that is missing, and don't feel so rushed to pick an adoption agency.  We may still pick the agency mentioned above, because it has gotten good reviews, price is much better since it is a non-profit, and it is local.  Or, if we find a different agency in the meantime, we can find out any specific requirements they may have for a home study, so that our social worker can make sure to include it.  I no longer feel that I have to pick an agency THIS MINUTE.

As far as the rest of the interview, it was mostly just clarifying info from last time, and some small questions that were left over.  She gave us some books to read on parenting adopted children specifically, and also mentioned that we should look into general parenting books too. 

Checklist of to-dos for in-home interview:
-Jen physical (4/23)
-Criminal checks
-Matt's NY clearance
-collecting references
-pick agency
-clean home!

Decisions, decisions

Picking an agency is turning out to be pretty tough!  We have to consider domestic vs. international, nationwide vs. local/regional, what type of adoption (open, semi-open, closed), race, age, sex, cost, post-placement services, etc etc etc.

And there are not many 'real life' people we can ask.  We are doing lots of research online, but it is tough not to have opinions from those we trust.  It seems to be as much about going with our gut as it is about the research.

We are trying to schedule introductory meetings with a few agencies in the Charlotte area, to see if we feel a sign that we've found THE ONE.  But the clock is also ticking on our home study.  

Ah, decisions.  It's all about the end result!  One day, this will be forgotten, much like I imagine the pain of labor fades away.

Please pray that we make the right decision for us and our future baby!

Family visit

Sorry for the delay in posts.  My job has been crazy the last week or so.  There will be another week and a half of craziness, and then it slows down for the summer.  Phew!
So back to the family visit Easter weekend.  It was much needed!  We had a great time visiting, and crammed a lot of fun into just a few days.

Thursday and Friday, we had a great visit with my sister Katie, who is close in age to us.  She came down a few days earlier than my parents and our younger sister, and we were able to go out in Charlotte, check out a game at the arena, and eat lots of takeout.  Fun times whenever Katie comes around- she is so fun, and brings us out of our shells big time.  And the older we get, the more I realize we have in common.  Even our mannerisms are the same.

Exhibit A: Reaction to scary movies

Kate and I grew up together as friends and enemies (you know how girls can be!), but now she is a great friend, and we love when she visits. I can't wait for our kids to experience that wonderful sibling bond. 

Easter Sunday with both sisters

Early Saturday morning, my parents and youngest sister Maddie arrived.  We BBQ'd on Saturday, Sunday was Easter (with a delicious big meal at my aunt and uncle's house, yum!), and then Kate had to head back home.

Later Monday, my parents, Maddie (my youngest sister), our cousin Olivia and I went to Tiger World.  If you live in the Charlotte/Concord area, you MUST go to Tiger World!

Fun with the girls.. and a tiger!

We also took the girls to Concord Mills, an outlet mall nearby.  Taking pre-teens to the mall... very tiring!  We had fun hitting up all of the activities around the mall, such as the hurricane simulator:

I just more and more look forward to doing all the fun silly things with our kids one day...

Tuesday was the last day of the visit.  We went to lunch with my aunt, and then we hit up cousin Donny's tennis match, and cousin Olivia's softball game.  It was good old-fashioned fun.

Go Olivia go!

It is always tough to see them go.  Very tough!  But we talk almost daily, and skype from time to time, and try to visit in person as often as possible.  Can't wait to see them and Matt's side of the family when we go home to NY next! 

Recap of the first interview

So Matt and I met with our social worker yesterday for close to two hours.  And it was a great meeting, we like our social worker alot, she was very informative, and she blew our minds with more things to think about and research.  Ha! 

It actually was not nearly as bad as we thought.  I guess we didn't really know what to think.  She asked us basics (height, weight, hair color, eye color), family background, career path, parenting philosophies, and what type of child we wanted to adopt.  Matt and I each got to have an ego boost, as we went into why we fell for the other person, what our marriage is like, how we'd describe ourselves, etc.  And we were very happy when early on in the interview, the social worker said that we definitely were in an attractive group to birth mothers: young, stable, married, active, etc.  We certainly hope that helps us stand out from the many deserving couples trying to adopt.

Our next interview is back at their office, and will take place on April 20th.  Then the in-home visit, which I am actually feeling pretty optimistic about (today at least, remind me of that when I am scrubbing down the house at 3am the day of the visit!).

Some to-do's for us:
1)  Jen's physical and physician approval of adoption (4/23)
2)  Criminal background check
3)  Call NY to see why they forgot some of the requested details for child abuse clearance
4)  Start talking to local friends for references of pediatricians and day care facilities (already??!  Yikes!)
5)  Find our adoption agency of choice.  If we pick an adoption agency after the home study is done, and they request different things in the home study than our social worker normally does, it would be a couple hundred dollars to update.  Not something we want to happen.
6)  View webinars and read books that social is recommending about adoption.

Phew!

Matt and I were left with two thoughts:  The waiting is going to kill us.  And yet we also kind of feel like we could be one of the situations where you get a call one day, "Come pick up your child tomorrow!"  Crazy.

First interview is today!

So at 11am, we meet with the social worker for the first time, at their office.  We have a ninety minute interview going over who knows what!

Ahhhh!!  Nervous and excited, finally doing something productive!

I'll try to post tonight or tomorrow with how it goes.

And we just had a GREAT visit with my parents and sisters in town for Easter.  I love being with my family... good times!  I'll probably post about that too, since they are excited as we are about the adoption.

Here is a quick pic until then:


Sisters!  Easter Sunday before church

 Wish us luck today!

Cribs and other fun things

Matt and I have been crib shopping.  While we don't know any details yet about our future baby, we both know that we want a baby.  We want to be there for all of the wonderful firsts in our child's life.  And so we figured it is safe to start looking at furniture for a nursery, versus for a toddler or child.

Here is where we have kind of hit a snag though.  When should we buy things?

We (of course) want to start buying things already, setting up the nursery, getting ready to go.  But my mom made the good point that if this process takes awhile, it could be upsetting to see the nursery sitting there waiting, empty.  But what if we hold off, and get a call one day saying, "Come pick up your baby tomorrow!" ??  We'll be in a panicked rush to set up a nursery.

Finally, we decided to go forward, but slowly.  We can take our time a bit, picking out pieces we like.  And we can buy them piece by piece, avoiding a frenzied rush at the end.  To start with, here is the crib we picked out!


Graco Charleston Crib

 The crib is very well-made, reasonably priced, and got great reviews online.  We have a 20% off coupon just burning a hole in our pockets to buy it this weekend at Baby Depot.  So excited!  It has a matching changing table too, but we didn't like that one.  The model in the store was very flimsy compared to the sturdiness of the crib.  But with white, we should have an easy time matching.  Our nursery is a light blue color, with white curtains, so the white crib will really pop.  We can't wait to set it up!

Next up to start thinking about is the other furniture to go in the room.  If anyone has any recommendations for what should go in a baby's room (what do you really use, vs what just is there for looks, for example), please let us know!  And what sort of baby 'gear' should we start looking at?  If we are able to have a baby shower, it will probably be after our placement, so that everyone can meet the little one at the same time.  So we are going to try to be ready for at least the first 6 weeks on our own.  Advice is very welcome! :)

Progressing along

So we still have 8 days until the first meeting, but we have been pretty busy working on our checklist of forms for the home study agency.

So far:

-Financials and tax information- Pay stubs and 1040 printed, financial worksheet complete
-Medical Exams- Matt went in for his yesterday and passed with flying colors; Jen still has to go
-Criminal Check- Basic one for now, so I'm going to the clerk of court this week to print for free
-Child Abuse Clearance- NC done; NY is in process (go figure, NY is slow!)
-Birth certificates and marriage certificate- copies ready
-Three letters of reference from non-family members, notarized- Several darling friends are working on these now, THANK YOU!!

I also met with my HR manager yesterday to find out about any adoption benefits my company has, and they answer was- they don't have any.  But luckily, that is just because it has never come up.  As of now, all they could offer me is up to 12 weeks (unpaid) leave via FMLA, and then the usual health insurance, dental, FSA for childcare that a pregnant woman would have access to for their child.

So now I am going to do research (as is my helpful HR manager) to see what other companies in our field and in our city offer their employees.  I will put together a proposal, and then the executives of the company will approve (or not).  Whatever we put together will be the benefit for adoptive parents in the future here at my company.  On one hand, that is kind of cool, but I'm not gonna lie- the whole 'stigma' about adoption is getting a bit old.

Another example: When Matt and I went shopping last week, we went to a bookstore in hopes of finding a book about adoption.  In the big section of baby books, there was the usual (What to Expect When You're Expecting, What to Expect in the First Year, etc), along with more specific books about parenting twins, parenting a child with ______ disease, parenting a child while going through a divorce, etc etc... but nothing on adoption.  Not one book? 



Calling all adoption books!

 I think I may have found a calling, or a cause.  No wonder adopted kids can feel different from everyone else.  There is this shroud of secrecy over everything!  I want to do my part to help change that.  I guess this blog is a small way to start that, by sharing details about the adoption process.  <End rant.>

So yes, 8 days until our first meeting with the social worker.  And that would be really hard to wait for, except we have some visitors coming to town!  My sister Katie will be getting in on Thursday, and my parents and youngest sister Maddie will be arriving Saturday, for a mini-vacation here in the South.  Weather should be great, we've got some time off of work, and we are excited to show them the crib we have picked out for Baby K!


The whole famjam, Christmas 2010



The Fur-Babies

So we have actually been through adoption 4 times already.  But it is a little bit different when it is an animal you're adopting, not a baby!

Now presenting, the brothers and sister of our future (human) child!

Chance.  The one and only.  Twenty pounds of cool.  Rescued by my sister's friend when he was a kitten, so underfed that he walked funny.  He is no longer underfed.  (Understatement of the year!)

Cat napping.  Get it?

Rocky.  Also known as the Gray Blur.  He is the sweetest cat, and loves attention, but only from Matt and I.  Most people only see him darting up the stairs to hide, hence his nickname.  He is obsessed with water and would love to own a fountain.

Rocky

Seamus.  Guard dog and too smart for his own good sometimes.  He's a simple dog, just needs a stick or a ball to have a good time.

Who, me?

Skylar.  Gentle girl.  She is the epitome of a golden retriever: loyal, sweet, well-mannered.  She loves to be with her humans..  She had a litter of puppies before we got her, and definitely has the motherly characteristics (just ask our cats).  Poor girl was 30 lbs underweight and had heartworms when we got her, but now, she's perfect!

It's tough being a dog.

 Our pets have taught us so much, including needing to find babysitters (for the dogs at least).  We've certainly learned patience, responsibility, and they joy from the unwavering love they give.  We're big animal people, although we don't plan to add to that brood any time soon!

"You're supposed to dress up kids for Halloween, not dogs!"

At a parade, doing great with the crowds and loud noises