"Hi, are you still looking for embryos?"
That was the first line in an email that I received on January 11, 2014 from the woman who would eventually donate 4 perfect embryos to us (along with her husband)!
(I know in my last post I said things changed on my birthday on January 9th. They did- I had a dream overnight that I would be finding out about our baby very soon. Nothing specific happened in the dream, I just had a peace of mind that it would happen any day now. So when I got the email, I was shocked... and yet not.)
The email from K and T (the potential donors) went on to say that she had found our profile on Miracles Waiting. She hadn't created a profile for them as she didn't want to have to turn down couples who may email them. They wanted to be able to reach out to the couples whose profiles spoke to them. Something about our profile stuck out to them and made them contact us!
Still not sure how I concentrated on work or anything else for the week after that. Just like in middle school waiting for Matt to call (pre-texting days, dating myself here), I was keeping an eye on the phone all day... and email... and texts. Luckily, K was just as anxious/excited as I was, so the communication was pretty constant. The best part: talking to K was like talking to an old friend. There was the nervousness due to the importance of our conversations, but also the complete ease with talking with her. It just felt so meant to be, but after years of heartache from trying to start our family, I kept waiting for a catch. Then after a few days it came.
"There are other couples we're talking to."
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
It's official!
It is official.
We are the proud parents of 4 embryos that will hopefully become our children some day! This whole process actually started more than a year ago, but we are just now sharing the good news openly.
Let me take a step back to May 2013 and my last post.
As I mentioned here, Embryo Adoption (or Embryo Donation... we'll call it EA/ED for short) was something we had just heard about. There are more than 600,000 cryo-preserved embryos in the United States alone. These are embryos that were created by couples using In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) to start their families. Often more embryos are created than are needed for one procedure. Some couples use these for future children, some donate to science, some sadly discard, and the rest sit there and wait.
EA/ED is a growing alternative to give these embryos a chance at life. Though EA/ED has been used for years with great success, it is still not well-known, and we are navigating our own way through every step of the process. We thought traditional adoption was confusing!
Like traditional adoption, there are agencies that are starting to specialize in EA/ED, matching donor couples with recipient couples. Unfortunately, like traditional adoption, we feel that the profit these companies are making does not match up with the services provided, especially because the actual medical procedure is not included in the price. Once again, we were on our own.
We researched websites and agencies and decided upon a site called Miracles Waiting. This is not an agency but a site that allows potential donors and potential recipients to fill out profiles as a way to match up. I highly recommend this site to any other couples out there who may read this and are considering EA/ED. Everything about infertility costs money, but Miracles Waiting felt like a good risk to take as the cost was less than $200 to be listed for a year. In the grand scheme of things, I felt like that price was ok if it didn't lead to a match. But if it did, perfect!
We signed up, we worked on the profile for forever, and then we posted it.
And nothing.
We did wind up having some great conversations with others, we learned more about EA/ED, we learned more about what we hoped for in a future agreement with a couple. We learned that some couples want to be considered co-parents with us (which we respectfully declined). We learned that others wanted us to live in a certain state or we were out (we're out). We learned that others wanted no contact whatsoever, even from future children (ugh).
I thought we might be at another dead end. Until my 31st birthday, January 9th 2014!
We are the proud parents of 4 embryos that will hopefully become our children some day! This whole process actually started more than a year ago, but we are just now sharing the good news openly.
Let me take a step back to May 2013 and my last post.
As I mentioned here, Embryo Adoption (or Embryo Donation... we'll call it EA/ED for short) was something we had just heard about. There are more than 600,000 cryo-preserved embryos in the United States alone. These are embryos that were created by couples using In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) to start their families. Often more embryos are created than are needed for one procedure. Some couples use these for future children, some donate to science, some sadly discard, and the rest sit there and wait.
EA/ED is a growing alternative to give these embryos a chance at life. Though EA/ED has been used for years with great success, it is still not well-known, and we are navigating our own way through every step of the process. We thought traditional adoption was confusing!
Like traditional adoption, there are agencies that are starting to specialize in EA/ED, matching donor couples with recipient couples. Unfortunately, like traditional adoption, we feel that the profit these companies are making does not match up with the services provided, especially because the actual medical procedure is not included in the price. Once again, we were on our own.
We researched websites and agencies and decided upon a site called Miracles Waiting. This is not an agency but a site that allows potential donors and potential recipients to fill out profiles as a way to match up. I highly recommend this site to any other couples out there who may read this and are considering EA/ED. Everything about infertility costs money, but Miracles Waiting felt like a good risk to take as the cost was less than $200 to be listed for a year. In the grand scheme of things, I felt like that price was ok if it didn't lead to a match. But if it did, perfect!
We signed up, we worked on the profile for forever, and then we posted it.
And nothing.
We did wind up having some great conversations with others, we learned more about EA/ED, we learned more about what we hoped for in a future agreement with a couple. We learned that some couples want to be considered co-parents with us (which we respectfully declined). We learned that others wanted us to live in a certain state or we were out (we're out). We learned that others wanted no contact whatsoever, even from future children (ugh).
I thought we might be at another dead end. Until my 31st birthday, January 9th 2014!
Thursday, May 9, 2013
About face?
Time for another quarterly check in. I can never believe how much time passes between posts, but nothing was new to report. We took a bit of a mental break from the process, as it is very straining emotionally. If you have not dealt with infertility, you are lucky. I wouldn't wish it on my enemy.
The break from adoption helped clear our heads a bit. It also allowed me the chance to do some more research on options. We have added another path as a potential way to 'adopt,' embryo adoption!
Don't get us wrong- we would still love to talk to expectant mothers and be considered as adoptive parents. But we also don't believe we should limit ourselves. We have wanted to be parents for almost 7 years! (Well, maybe 5 years for Matt.)
Embryo adoption (or donation, seem to be used interchangeably occurs when a couple has remaining embryos from an IVF cycle. When they are done having kids themselves, they have 3 options: donate to science, donate to an infertile couple, or have the embryos destroyed. Without getting into the religious ramifications of those options, we obviously believe that donating to another couple is a fantastic idea!
As with traditional adoption, the donation can be anonymous through a clinic, or you can 'meet' people online and donate to them. There are adoption agencies out there that now assist with donations as well, but of course they add in several thousand dollars worth of "program fees." (Important note: it is illegal to pay or be paid for embryos. But call them 'program fees,' no problem. ........)
Some of our considerations now include what clinics to look at (local ones have wait lists, there are some in FL, TN and CA that are well-known that do not, but you have to travel to them), finding donors ourselves (similar to finding our own match for traditional adoption), and whether we'd want an open or anonymous donation (leaning again towards open). The best part about embryo donation is that the cost is significantly lower than using an adoption agency (about equal to the cost of a private adoption), and significantly cheaper than IVF as well.
So, we are looking into both options now, praying to make a connection with either an expectant mother or a couple looking to donate. If you know of anyone who fits either bill, please contact us!
And thanks for reading our sporadic posts!
The break from adoption helped clear our heads a bit. It also allowed me the chance to do some more research on options. We have added another path as a potential way to 'adopt,' embryo adoption!
Don't get us wrong- we would still love to talk to expectant mothers and be considered as adoptive parents. But we also don't believe we should limit ourselves. We have wanted to be parents for almost 7 years! (Well, maybe 5 years for Matt.)
Embryo adoption (or donation, seem to be used interchangeably occurs when a couple has remaining embryos from an IVF cycle. When they are done having kids themselves, they have 3 options: donate to science, donate to an infertile couple, or have the embryos destroyed. Without getting into the religious ramifications of those options, we obviously believe that donating to another couple is a fantastic idea!
As with traditional adoption, the donation can be anonymous through a clinic, or you can 'meet' people online and donate to them. There are adoption agencies out there that now assist with donations as well, but of course they add in several thousand dollars worth of "program fees." (Important note: it is illegal to pay or be paid for embryos. But call them 'program fees,' no problem. ........)
Some of our considerations now include what clinics to look at (local ones have wait lists, there are some in FL, TN and CA that are well-known that do not, but you have to travel to them), finding donors ourselves (similar to finding our own match for traditional adoption), and whether we'd want an open or anonymous donation (leaning again towards open). The best part about embryo donation is that the cost is significantly lower than using an adoption agency (about equal to the cost of a private adoption), and significantly cheaper than IVF as well.
So, we are looking into both options now, praying to make a connection with either an expectant mother or a couple looking to donate. If you know of anyone who fits either bill, please contact us!
And thanks for reading our sporadic posts!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Dirty 30!
So this has been a fun month. I turned 30, and Matt is still 29, so he has been counting down the days (for months now)! haha He loves to point out that I'm the older lady. Ah well, I love 30!
One of the best parts of the month was my parents coming down to surprise me the weekend of my birthday! They flew in (with another aunt and uncle) on Saturday, and had to fly back out on Sunday. How lucky am I?! Unfortunately, no pics of that day.
Another thing that I loved about this birthday, and want to make an annual thing was celebrating 30 by doing 30 Random Acts of Kindness. This was nothing crazy or expensive, just 30 things to make someone else smile or have a good day. One of my favorites was hiding a $1 bill in the toy bin at Dollar Tree.
I also asked friends and family on Facebook to join in, and that was the best part-- hearing the stories of what others did. People bought groceries for strangers, donated baby clothes to a new mom in need, volunteered, held doors, made things, and more. It was awesome!
Other than the big birthday, it's been a quiet month. Matt and I both got sick again (after the flu in November, we thought we were good for this season!), so getting over that still. Matt gets to go home in a few weeks for great friend's wedding. And we can't wait for the Super Bowl this weekend, even though both of our teams (Giants and Panthers) didn't even make the playoffs this year. Go commercials!
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| Celebrating the big 3-0 with my aunt and family friend |
Another thing that I loved about this birthday, and want to make an annual thing was celebrating 30 by doing 30 Random Acts of Kindness. This was nothing crazy or expensive, just 30 things to make someone else smile or have a good day. One of my favorites was hiding a $1 bill in the toy bin at Dollar Tree.
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| Wish I could have seen the kid's face when they found this! |
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| Vending machine money, care of Pam C. |
Other than the big birthday, it's been a quiet month. Matt and I both got sick again (after the flu in November, we thought we were good for this season!), so getting over that still. Matt gets to go home in a few weeks for great friend's wedding. And we can't wait for the Super Bowl this weekend, even though both of our teams (Giants and Panthers) didn't even make the playoffs this year. Go commercials!
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| Team spirit, even though they lose a lot! |
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Merry Christmas!
We love the holiday season- Christmas songs on the radio, baking, finding the perfect gift, time with family, etc. It really is the most wonderful time of the year.
So what have we been up to this holiday season?
One thing that has become a tradition for us: Adopting a child from Salvation Army's Angel Tree program. I highly recommend it! Kids that are less fortunate sign up, parents include clothing sizes and/or toys the child would like, and you can spend an amount you feel appropriate to get them nice gifts. We are so looking forward to being able to buy clothes and toys for our own child(ren) someday, so this has been good practice!
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| The loot |
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| Salvation Army Christmas Center |
******
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| Our happy tree |
For the holidays, we were able to head back up to NY to see all of our family and friends, which was awesome! We even got to see snow while we were there. That was on the wishlist for sure. We got to visit with Matt's family and mine, extended family, friends, had a fun Cousin's Night Out, and more.
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| Newest member of the family! |
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| Toy time |
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| Most of the ladies in my mom's side of the fam |
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| Grandma and Grandpa P enjoying the moment |
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| Excited to see snow, just wish it was not on the drive home! |
It was a great visit, and went by too fast as usual. Time to start planning the next visit!
As for the adoption, we have still been keeping our ears open to any situations that may come up. We've had some good suggestions recently to contact schools or pediatrician offices, so I may send a letter out to area offices soon. I also learned that the department of health runs teen health centers throughout the area, which also could be a good resource. Keep praying for us!
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Happenings
Hi there,
I can't believe how slow I am to post again sometimes! It has been quiet on the adoption front, as we continue to try to find the perfect adoption situation. Please continue to keep us in mind, and to share our story with others! :)
So what has been going on in our lives?
This summer we...
Saw Coldplay in concert- Amazing amazing amazing show!
Celebrated our sixth anniversary!
Celebrated Matt's 29th birthday!
We also recently checked out another Panthers home game. Check out the awesome photobomb by the couple sitting behind us:
And with Halloween coming up tomorrow, we are ready to welcome some Trick or Treaters. Can't wait to take our kids out someday :) My mom is a decorating freak when it comes to the holidays, and it is safe to say I inherited that gene!
We also have been doing some projects at the house. The biggest one? Getting rid of a 6 person hot tub that was fun, but probably not kid-friendly. It hadn't been used much in the past year, due to a small leak. We tried to give it away on Craigslist and SalVal/Good Will/Habitat for Humanity/etc, but when that didn't work, it was time to get busy!
So that's what we have been up to! Just enjoying life before we have a newborn to take care of :) But can't wait til that time comes.
I can't believe how slow I am to post again sometimes! It has been quiet on the adoption front, as we continue to try to find the perfect adoption situation. Please continue to keep us in mind, and to share our story with others! :)
So what has been going on in our lives?
This summer we...
Saw Coldplay in concert- Amazing amazing amazing show!
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| Crowd shot, everyone was given neon sticks that went to the music |
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| Nice glass of wine before a DELISH dinner! |
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| He loves some lobstah! |
And with Halloween coming up tomorrow, we are ready to welcome some Trick or Treaters. Can't wait to take our kids out someday :) My mom is a decorating freak when it comes to the holidays, and it is safe to say I inherited that gene!
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| Homemade, thank you very much! |
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| My handy man! |
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| Much better! And bigger! |
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Just checking in
Hi blog world,
Not too much to report today. We have started talking to more potential adoption situations recently, but most have not yet made the decision of if they want to place at all, or raise the baby themselves. We totally respect that, and are trying to share our story, but also give them info about adoption in general. I've mentioned before how hard it is to find out real info on adoption, and apparently it can be just as hard for the expectant parents. Hopefully we are earning some adoption karma points by helping others out! :)
Other than that, we are pumped for FOOTBALL. SEASON!!! It's not just the games, it is fall, cooler weather (thank God!), decorating the house for the season, etc. I'll have to post a pic later of the Cookies n Cream Cheese Ball Football I'm making for the game today. Yum!
Hope to return someday soon with an awesome adoption update!
Not too much to report today. We have started talking to more potential adoption situations recently, but most have not yet made the decision of if they want to place at all, or raise the baby themselves. We totally respect that, and are trying to share our story, but also give them info about adoption in general. I've mentioned before how hard it is to find out real info on adoption, and apparently it can be just as hard for the expectant parents. Hopefully we are earning some adoption karma points by helping others out! :)
Other than that, we are pumped for FOOTBALL. SEASON!!! It's not just the games, it is fall, cooler weather (thank God!), decorating the house for the season, etc. I'll have to post a pic later of the Cookies n Cream Cheese Ball Football I'm making for the game today. Yum!
Hope to return someday soon with an awesome adoption update!
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