After the heartache of trying to get pregnant for years, we thought we had developed a tougher shell. Certainly, we are not as carefree and happy go lucky as we used to be. But the adoption process has brought with it a new form of pain.
Monday, we got an email.
"I saw your information online. I am pregnant, and already had chosen a couple to adopt, but they are now separating instead."
So started a week of excitement, and then pain.
We chatted via email a few times Monday, and felt hope. No sense of a scam, felt very natural talking to her.
Tuesday: "I'm due in October with a baby girl." Our world stopped for a moment, then felt like Christmas in July. Could we really be parents to a girl in a few short months? Is it possible to already be dazzled by a baby girl that doesn't exist yet?
We were still trying to be cautious, but try telling that to your heart.
Somehow, things changed. She didn't respond to emails later Tuesday, but then on Wednesday said she hadn't received anything from us, and thought we were not interested. We told her that we were so interested, resent the emails, and she said she'd respond back that night. No emails though... We checked every 10 minutes.
Thursday, we suggested talking via text, since we seemed to be having email issues.
"sure, I'll text you after 6 if you like." Yes, please!
No texts. We stared at the phone all night long. As the hours passed, our shoulders slumped a bit more.
Friday, I sent "her" an email. This would be our last email to her. If she responded to it, and actually answered questions or wrote more than one line, we would try to consider this just a miscommunication. But we could not keep getting our hopes up for someone who seemed to be purposefully stringing us along. Why? No idea.
Back to square one, with a little less enthusiasm this time.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Like dating
We've discovered that talking to an expectant mother is a lot like dating. Nerves, interpreting everything to a T, and wondering when they will call or email again!
So far, it has been mostly emails that have the hint of scam, or at least a bit of a mess. We have been emailed by people in the country of Cameroon, China, and someone who said she was from Norway, and her boyfriend was from Sweden. Unfortunately, even if these situations are real, they are way out of our price range probably.
Now that we have been 'advertising' for a few weeks, the emails have been more realistic, and we actually started to email with someone yesterday that could be a good match. And that leads me to stalk my email, just in case she writes back! :)
(Before I scare any expectant mothers off, please know that I will never use your identifying information in the blog. While our relationship with you is obviously a huge part of the story, your privacy is even more important!)
Here's to hoping we have a great first date!
So far, it has been mostly emails that have the hint of scam, or at least a bit of a mess. We have been emailed by people in the country of Cameroon, China, and someone who said she was from Norway, and her boyfriend was from Sweden. Unfortunately, even if these situations are real, they are way out of our price range probably.
Now that we have been 'advertising' for a few weeks, the emails have been more realistic, and we actually started to email with someone yesterday that could be a good match. And that leads me to stalk my email, just in case she writes back! :)
(Before I scare any expectant mothers off, please know that I will never use your identifying information in the blog. While our relationship with you is obviously a huge part of the story, your privacy is even more important!)
Here's to hoping we have a great first date!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Adoption benefits in the workplace
Something that we did not know much about before beginning this adoption journey was that many companies through the US offer employees not just maternity leave for adoption, but also offer adoption benefits in the form of reimbursment of fees. This is a growing trend because less than 1% of all employees will adopt each year, but it provides the company with another great benefit to keep up with the competition.
Companies such as Bank of America, Time Warner, the NBA, Hanes, Nike, Wendy's, and others offer their employees these benefits. Just knowing that makes me appreciate those companies more (even Time Warner, whom I hate dealing with on a customer satisfaction basis!).
As of now, our companies do not offer such benefits. The reimbursement would be amazing (ah-mazing!) when considering all of the costs involved. But the one I am more worried about is the maternity leave. A huge part of the maternity leave is to have time to bond with your baby. With adoption, this time is even more important.
So I have been working on a proposal to present to my human resources department, and ultimately on to finance and our president. Who knew adoption would turn me into a policy maker? ;) I was able to find great information thanks to the Dave Thomas Foundation's "Adoption Friendly Workplace" materials, which has made it a lot easier. I'll keep you posted on what happens, what they approve (or do not approve). Wish me/us luck!
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PS- Have to recognize my awesome sister-in-law and nephew and niece for their help! They have gone around our hometown on "Operation: Baby K" posting flyers and sharing information about our adoption plans. So cute that our baby's cousins are such a part of this. We love you guys!
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Companies such as Bank of America, Time Warner, the NBA, Hanes, Nike, Wendy's, and others offer their employees these benefits. Just knowing that makes me appreciate those companies more (even Time Warner, whom I hate dealing with on a customer satisfaction basis!).
As of now, our companies do not offer such benefits. The reimbursement would be amazing (ah-mazing!) when considering all of the costs involved. But the one I am more worried about is the maternity leave. A huge part of the maternity leave is to have time to bond with your baby. With adoption, this time is even more important.
So I have been working on a proposal to present to my human resources department, and ultimately on to finance and our president. Who knew adoption would turn me into a policy maker? ;) I was able to find great information thanks to the Dave Thomas Foundation's "Adoption Friendly Workplace" materials, which has made it a lot easier. I'll keep you posted on what happens, what they approve (or do not approve). Wish me/us luck!
PS- Have to recognize my awesome sister-in-law and nephew and niece for their help! They have gone around our hometown on "Operation: Baby K" posting flyers and sharing information about our adoption plans. So cute that our baby's cousins are such a part of this. We love you guys!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Makes me smile
We went baby shopping yesterday. For 4 hours. Ha! Poor Matt, what a trooper.
Can I say that it is overwhelming looking at 'everything' at a baby store? So many options! We are lucky to have a bunch of friends who have had babies this past year, to ask for recommendations.
Our plan is to take care of the necessities for the first 6-8 weeks of time now, so that we don't have to stress when we 'match' with an expectant mother. We could match with someone 3 months along, or with someone who is 2 days away from their due date. And then we can worry about the fun stuff after everything clears legally, and we can go to NY to show off our baby to friends and family up there.
Had to share this picture from yesterday though. Matt really liked a certain stroller/travel system, but I wanted to read more reviews (go figure). We went home, read reviews, had it recommended by friends too, and decided that was the one we'd buy. I thought we'd buy it the next time we went out shopping, but Matt wanted it RIGHT THEN. So he went back out to get the stroller at 6pm on a Sunday.
He was so excited to put it together for the bebe. What a guy :)
Can I say that it is overwhelming looking at 'everything' at a baby store? So many options! We are lucky to have a bunch of friends who have had babies this past year, to ask for recommendations.
Our plan is to take care of the necessities for the first 6-8 weeks of time now, so that we don't have to stress when we 'match' with an expectant mother. We could match with someone 3 months along, or with someone who is 2 days away from their due date. And then we can worry about the fun stuff after everything clears legally, and we can go to NY to show off our baby to friends and family up there.
Had to share this picture from yesterday though. Matt really liked a certain stroller/travel system, but I wanted to read more reviews (go figure). We went home, read reviews, had it recommended by friends too, and decided that was the one we'd buy. I thought we'd buy it the next time we went out shopping, but Matt wanted it RIGHT THEN. So he went back out to get the stroller at 6pm on a Sunday.
He was so excited to put it together for the bebe. What a guy :)
Friday, July 6, 2012
Parenting class
I just signed Matt and I up for a parenting class offered by the local hospital on 7/22. Infant CPR and Taking Care of Baby. So excited! In a way, I feel like it is similar to the excitment someone would get about going back to school after working for a while. When you are first in college, you don't get excited about classes. But after being in the 'real world' for awhile, you get pumped to try another round of school. If we had gotten pregnant and done the normal thing, I don't know if we'd even think to take a parenting class. But because we have been waiting so long to be parents, this feels like a real step, and so we are excited! (Maybe me more so than Matt! haha)
Other weekend goals: Hang flyers and/or business cards on area bulletin boards... possibly shop for the nursery (!!!!!!!!!!).... and hit up a pool, it is HOT out!
Matt's sister has graciously been offering tips on what we should buy first, what we'll need in those first few weeks, what brands are good, etc. Anyone else have suggestions? Leave a comment below or shoot us an email!
Other weekend goals: Hang flyers and/or business cards on area bulletin boards... possibly shop for the nursery (!!!!!!!!!!).... and hit up a pool, it is HOT out!
Matt's sister has graciously been offering tips on what we should buy first, what we'll need in those first few weeks, what brands are good, etc. Anyone else have suggestions? Leave a comment below or shoot us an email!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Spoke too soon
Spoke too soon. Just got a generic email saying that our advertisement was rejected. What? Why?
After sitting on hold for 5 minutes, I spoke to someone in the online advertising department that said that they don't really do adoption advertising anymore, because it can get 'messy.' Again... what?
Legally in North Carolina, we have the right to advertise as long as we have a completed and approved home study/ preplacement assessment. You just have to state this clearly in the advertisement, along with the home study agency and the date the study was completed. I did this. I was going to be paying $35 extra just to add that info (
Phone calls and emails are unanswered so far. I want them to tell me why people can advertise for all sorts of companionship (ew), but when we want to start our family, that is considered messy.
This is bothering me more than it should. I think I am sick of everything having to be so much tougher for people who turn to adoption to start their family.
After sitting on hold for 5 minutes, I spoke to someone in the online advertising department that said that they don't really do adoption advertising anymore, because it can get 'messy.' Again... what?
Legally in North Carolina, we have the right to advertise as long as we have a completed and approved home study/ preplacement assessment. You just have to state this clearly in the advertisement, along with the home study agency and the date the study was completed. I did this. I was going to be paying $35 extra just to add that info (
Phone calls and emails are unanswered so far. I want them to tell me why people can advertise for all sorts of companionship (ew), but when we want to start our family, that is considered messy.
This is bothering me more than it should. I think I am sick of everything having to be so much tougher for people who turn to adoption to start their family.
First classified ad
Welp, we've placed our first classified ad!
Woo hoo! The picture was $10 extra, but we think it is worth it to stand out over all of the word-only ads. This ad will be in our nearby newspaper, the Charlotte Observer, for the next 7 days, as well as on their website.
Now on to the outlying newspapers. And possibly a few back home in NY!
Woo hoo! The picture was $10 extra, but we think it is worth it to stand out over all of the word-only ads. This ad will be in our nearby newspaper, the Charlotte Observer, for the next 7 days, as well as on their website.
Now on to the outlying newspapers. And possibly a few back home in NY!
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