Agency adoption vs. independent adoption

As our home study is being finalized this week, we are planning the next steps in this process.  I mentioned before we have decided to move forward with independent adoption (while also sitting on the waiting list of one of the few agencies we truly like).  But some have asked us what that means.  What is independent adoption?  How does it vary from agency adoption?
When you work with an agency, you pay them (big bucks) to locate birthmothers, arrange meetings, walk you through the process, etc.  Costs can include administrative fees, therapy for the birthmother, expenses for the birthmother (medical, sometimes rent, utitlities, clothing during pregnancy), therapy for the adoptive family, legal fees, etc.  But there seems to be no uniformity to how agencies charge.  Some include everything, some just include networking and administrative fees, etc etc.

The other things that we did not like about agencies included the number of other families that they are helping at the same time (how do they give each couple the best possible chance?), the reviews we have read about many agencies being money-first (terrible reviews of people not receiving good service once all the money is collected or birthmothers being harrassed to give their baby and then not receiving therapy afterward), and the general lack of control.

Note- we believe there are MANY honest, ethical, amazing agencies out there.  But it is so difficult to compare agencies apples to apples that we can't determine which ones they are. 

Why we chose independent adoption:
-More control- I know all of the 'advertising' going on because I am doing it myself.  I can account for every penny that we spend and track it.
-100% priority- Matt and I are at the top of the list, because it is just us on the list!
-Amazing support network- We know we have the support of family and friends
-Cost concerns- We have done research and realized that the cost of independent adoption can be overblown by the industry, specifically because the agencies WANT you to sign with them. Their businesses are dependent on more and more couples signing up.  So of course they want you to think that independent adoption is more expensive.
-Independent adoptions make up at least 2/3 of all adoptions nationwide
-Lower risk of a birthmother changing her mind.  In agency adoptions, 50-80% of pregnant women do not wind up releasing the baby for adoption, while about 75-90% of pregnant women using private channels do.  Holy cow!!
-The pregnant woman can feel a lot more in control of who she gives her baby to in independent adoption.

I would say that the main concern with independent adoption is that there is less privacy.  But we don't plan to give out our home address or work locations.  Everything will be legally handled through an adoption attorney (we have already spoken to one here in town that is highly recommended by the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys).  And most agencies at this point require or strongly suggest open adoptions anyway, for the sake of the child.

We hope that that clears up some of the questions/concerns that family and friends may have.

need to finda fun shirt like this!

YouTube profile video

In- home visit was today, and went great!  We spent days making sure every nook and cranny was sparkling, and then she was here for 30 minutes! Ha!  But our social worker basically told us we are approved, she just had to type up the report and get it to us for any random errors.  Then it will be official!!

To celebrate, I spent parts of the weekend working on an adoption profile to put on YoutTube.  You never know where someone will find you!

Here is a link to our profile:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tnv9gGxToYk#  Let us know what you think!

That is all for tonight!  Feel free to ask any questions you might have about us, or adoption in general in the questions.  Obviously our main goals are to use this blog to match up with a birthmother and to document the journey for our baby/babies, but we also would like to help educate people about adoption too!

Another visit with the fam

Matt and I got to travel up to NY for the Memorial Day weekend to spend the holiday with family and friends.  Love it!  It is so worth the 10-hour drive to see everyone!
  

Found in a gas station at 6:30am





On Saturday, we had a nice cookout with Matt's family.  Then after that, Matt, his dad, and his nephew Jacob formed a biker gang, and went out for a ride.  Matt's been talking about wanting to do this for months now, and they had a blast!



The 'gang'



On Sunday, we got to go to the first birthday of our best friends' daughter Lily.  I can't believe it has been a year already!  We got to see old friends, their family members, and of course the woman of the hour, little Lily.

Friends for years!



Matt is in love



Me and the birthday girl

Then Sunday and Monday, it was more BBQing.  Chicken spiedies, salt potatoes, burgers, hot dogs, delish!  We love summer!  Can't wait for many more months of beautiful weather.



Epic water gun battle between Matt and Jacob

 

Adoption Tax Credit

Something that has been a Godsend to families who are trying to adopt is the Adoption Tax Credit.  Here is some quick info on the tax credit in my words.  For even more details, you can visit http://adoptiontaxcredit.org/about/.

Before:  In years past, the adoption tax credit had been up to $13,000 or so, but was nonrefundable.  I know $13,000 sounds like a lot, but keep in mind that $20,000, $30,000, and $40,000 or more are not unusual expenses for an adoption.  And by non-refundable, this meant that if you had a low tax liability (such as us), then you won't see any relief from the credit.  You wouldn't get a check for $13,000- that would just go against any money you owe the government.

2010 and 2011:  These were apparently THE YEARS to adopt.  The adoption credit was made refundable, meaning if you didn't owe the government taxes, you could potentially get a check for up to $13,000 or so.  They screen the tax returns quite intensely to make sure people are not cheating the system, but this would have been amazing to not go broke during the adoption.

2012: Anyone finalizing an adoption this year gets a credit of up to $12,160, but it is nonrefundable again.  Matt and I generally do not owe taxes, so the credit is basically a wash again.

After 2012:  Curernt tax credit sunsets, and there will be only a $6,000 nonrefundable credit for special needs adoption, no real credit for any other adoptions.

The good news:  The House of Representatives is currently considering the Making Adoption Affordable Act, which would make the tax credit permanent and refundable, thereby helping families and children across the country.  Selfishly, we'd love it if you would contact your representative in support of the act.  Find your representative here: http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/  And not just for us- for the many children across the county who also need a forever home.

Please help!

June 12th is Save the Adoption Tax Credit Advocacy Day.  That would be a great day to reach out to your reps, "like" "Save the Adoption Tax Credit" on Facebook, or just share your support of adoption credits on Facebook and other social media sites.

Thanks everyone!

My promise to our baby's birth mother

I saw an article on CNN.com today that made me angry and sad and frustrated all at once.  A woman in Colorado was busted by a police officer for having her toddler buckled into a regular seat, while her gas can was safely secured in the carseat.  Are you kidding me?  Nope, here is the picture that accompanied the story:



No caption needed for this one...

 Someone like this gets to be a mother?  Anyone who has been through any kind of fertility struggle will feel my sense of injustice on this one.  I'd give all of the possessions I have in this life to be able to have a baby, and yet some of these people and the things they do to their kids....  I'm going to step away from that train of thought now, because it will be a very long post!

Instead, I want to talk directly to the woman who may one day give us her child, and make a promise, on my life:

You will never see me or my family in a horrible news story like this.  You will never have to worry about what goes on behind closed doors either.  We will treat your/our child as the precious gift we know they are.  We want them to experience life, laugh often, love their family, work hard, enjoy learning new things always, give to others, and develop their faith.  We will value their lives and well-being above our own.  And we will cherish every second of it!

Still here!

I've been (lovingly) chided by several people about not updating the blog, and after signing in, I couldn't believe it'd been a month!  Whoops!  At this time, no news is just... no news.

But exciting things ahead!  June 11 (one week from today) is our dreaded/exciting/can't-wait-til-it-gets-here In-home interview.  Our social worker will make sure that our home is suitable for a baby, and collect any last paperwork we have for her.  And then... we should get our completed home study!  Finally!

Truth be told, the slowdown was on our part, as described in the past few posts.  Our social worker is awesome, and will probably get the report back to us pretty quickly.  Can't wait to have it in our hands.

Our plan once we have it is still to just navigate things on our own a bit.  We can legally 'advertise' ourselves, and I plan to create a business card for us that can be left anywhere and everywhere.  Here is an example, since 'business card' sounds weird in conjunction with adoption:

Front

Back

Before I can do that, I just need to set up an email address specific to the adoption, as well as arrange for a Toll-free phone number, as we don't want to give out our cell phone numbers so freely.  Then friends and family in North Carolina have said they will help us pass them out.  I may send some up to NY too.  The main reason for those two states is because when you cross state lines to adopt, you have to stay in the baby's birth state while a special document is approved between the two states.  This could last a few days or up to a month, depending on the state.  NC would be most ideal, but NY would work too, since we have such a big family that would love more time with our baby!  Any other state, and we are looking at hotels and being by ourselves.  But if that is the best fit, so be it!

And we just want to thank everyone again for all of the support with this.  Every time we get a bit down about the whole thing, someone randomly sends a comment of support, or shares information about someone else they know going through it, or just listens to me/us vent.  THANK YOU!!  It is great to know just how much our baby will be loved by family and friends.

-Jen & Matt

Fortune Cookie and Guardian Angel

Matt and I got Chinese food last night, and my fortune cookie said, "It is time to take something important off the back burner."   I knew immediately what this implied.

We'd made a concerted effort over the past 2 weeks to take a break from the adoption process, while I went through a very busy time at work.  I had just described it to one of my relatives as deciding to put it on the 'back burner' for awhile until other parts of life calmed down.  Then that fortune cookie.  Ok then, I'll take that as a sign.

The other sign is more sad, but yet powerful.  My dear 'Uncle' Tony, an amazing friend of my extended family, passed away unexpectedly last week.  We'll all miss his huge smile and eyes that lit up with a smile of their own.  I was able to head home for the wake and funeral, and had a wonderful visit with the family (athough I certainly wish it was under better circumstances).  I had forgotten, but Uncle Tony and Aunt Anne had adopted their daughter Cathy when she was a baby.  Aunt Anne and Cathy were so excited to hear about Matt and I looking to adopt, and can't wait to hear details as they come.  And now Matt and I have an adoption guardian angel in Heaven.  I hope Uncle Tony is putting in a good word for us! 

A toast to Tony!

Rest in peace, Tony.  And if Aunt Anne happens to read this, we love you so much!